Writing loglines reveals not only how well we know the main story behind our novel, but how well we can entice the publisher with just a few sentences. The truth is that most agents and publishers will read the first few lines of your query letter and want to know exactly what the premise of the novel is going to be. They read hundreds of loglines in a week, and yours must hook their attention immediately. The logline must be clear, original and to the point. An excellent way to place yourself apart from the majority of writers who send in query letters is to avoid the usual clichés.

I have listed a few examples to avoid below.

1. “This is a story:”

Example:
This is a story about one boy’s journey into the unknown...

2. Starting your logline with the genre of the novel:

Example:
An action-thriller set in the woods, this is about a young couple that decides to escape from the city...

3. Beginning the logline with the title of the novel:

Example:
Romance Down Under is about an ordinary man who grudgingly defends a lady from…

This is better:
When a shy man visits a restaurant, he is confronted by a gang of thieves who want to take the waitress hostage. He must decide whether or not to put his life in danger to rescue her.

Also, it’s better to not include your title anywhere in your logline as a reference. Let’s say that your script is called Incensed.

Example:
A fox hunter realises the foxes are fighting back and are now INCENSED, so incensed that they have sworn revenge against him.

A better logline would be:
A hunter faces off against rabid foxes that not only want to kill him, but skin him to make coats. 

4. Did it or didn’t it?
This is the most overused type of logline and is absolutely useless because the answer is clear. If you want to write a logline that infers a choice has to be made, then both choices must be not generic. You must also be clear on the consequence of both choices within the logline, and what effect they will have on the final outcome.

Example:
After a policeman shoots The Beast, a creature that terrorises a town, it dies…or did it?

It’s obvious that The Beast survives.

This is better:
An emotionally dead policeman shoots a frightened creature who has been cornered in a park, not realising that bullets only make it stronger and angrier. Soon, The Beast will terrorize an entire town, forcing the policeman to choose between saving the town using his courage, or getting the hell out of there.

Example 2:
In a science lab, a chemist produces a cure for all known disease and plans on revealing it to the world…or will she?

You need to make it clear what the choices are followed by the consequences.

A better example would be:
After a chemist discovers a cure-all for all known diseases, she faces a fight against time to reveal it to the world before another scientist steals it.

Example 3:
A girl meets a boy and falls in love and asks him out on a date…or will she?

This novel seems to be based entirely on whether or not the girl will ask the boy out on a date.  So the reason behind the deliberation must be revealed, if not then the logline must simply state she asked the boy out and what the conflict is.

A better example:
An ambitious and very honourable cheerleader asks out the new boy in school. The boy falls in love but already has a girlfriend, thus beginning a new romance while corrupting his ethics.

5. “Things are not what they seem.”

Example 1:
An ordinary man moves his family to a friendly new town. But things are not what they seem…

A better example:
After an ordinary man moves his family into a house, he becomes increasingly paranoid around them, especially his wife who begins showing the same aggressive character traits.

The essential point to remember is to be specific what the results of each choice are going to be. Avoid vagueness and that will minimise the use of tired and clichéd loglines.