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Aviva and I had been together for 26 years when a friend invited me to a communication workshop given by a psychologist I had never heard of, Marshall Rosenberg. At that day’s workshop I felt challenged in a way that I had not anticipated. I already valued being able to listen to my partner. And at times I listened well. But I didn’t understand what blocked me from listening well at other times. I already valued self-esteem as essential to a successful relationship. But I wasn’t aware of the self-critical thinking in my head—and how it created defensiveness, and criticism of Aviva. I didn’t have a reliable way to move from defending myself to accepting myself in spite of my shortcomings. I already valued moral standards like fairness. But I didn’t realize that the way that I invoked fairness arguments was a subtle guilt trip.
Going to that workshop I’d stumbled on a treasure of how to live in partnership. Aviva and I immersed ourselves in learning Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC). I grew to understand the reasons that I get annoyed. They have to do with my perception that she is blocking me from meeting my needs. Now I remind myself that I am not powerless. I have the tools to communicate my needs. I can understand what prevents her from saying yes. This gives us the basis for finding a Win-Win.
Reviewed by Pikasho Deka for Readers' Favorite
Rick Longinotti, MFT, is a licensed therapist with years of experience in couples counseling and therapy. In That Loving Feeling, the author offers an easy-to-follow guide for people to help them overcome their varied struggles in their respective relationships. The book features five fictional couples from different backgrounds and at different stages of their relationships, attending a communications workshop to try to work through their problems. An elderly couple named Sarah and Gene narrates their experiences in the couples workshop, where they meet four other couples. While Sarah and Gene learn to listen to each other, another couple, Amir and Mei, try to navigate infidelity. But not everyone makes it through, as Angela and Dave can't get past their differences. During their time in the workshop, these couples learn about practicing self-empathy, understanding one's needs, expressing one's requests, and much more.
According to Rick Longinotti, MFT, the book features real-life couples' experiences, with the narrative played out through fictional characters. This makes the stories not only authentic but also more relatable to the reader. That Loving Feeling is a must-read for anyone involved in a committed relationship. Based on the principles of "Nonviolent Communication," the characters in this book explore and practice methods that help them engage with their partners with empathy, kindness, and understanding. The fact that each couple comes from a different background with unique dynamics in their relationships adds to the realism and perfectly showcases the practical applications of Longinotti's insights. At the end of each chapter, you will find key takeaways that highlight the main points discussed. I found the book very inspirational and informative, and I highly recommend it to couples in committed relationships.
