Reviewed by Danelle Petersen for Readers' Favorite

The Truth I Found in the Silence by A M Lavender is the story of a man who decided to repair the destruction he left in the wake of his addiction. From a young age, Aaron was expected to be perfect; in his father’s world, there was no room for mistakes. Aaron could never be himself because he was never enough. And that realization planted deep-seated insecurities and a debilitating anxiety within himself. When his first marriage failed, it reinforced the belief that he was not enough, and with it came a substitute for the emptiness—alcohol. Aaron subsequently started running away from himself and his imperfections. But it wasn’t numbing the pain; instead, he was only rooting himself in the problem. Aaron’s addiction to gambling left him with colossal debt and a promise of divorce from Andrea, his second wife. The winnings made him feel vindicated and in control, but like alcohol, it was merely another source of escape. Then came the turning point. Aaron decided to face the truth. Combatting addiction is not about abstinence, but about learning to live with it. It’s about surviving in the dark. Aaron learned that the perfections lie within the imperfections, in showing up for your family, in the ugliness of stumbling and getting back up. He realized that healing isn't sobering up in one day; it’s in the careful restructuring of your life. It’s about having the courage to say “Not today”, and to remain sober and present. Aaron wants you to know that you are not alone and that it is never too late to start over. Forgive yourself and accept that, with healing, comes brokenness. Talk about it, be open about it, because help is available.

A M Lavender’s voice is raw and unflinching. He bears his soul in The Truth I Found in the Silence, and one needs to appreciate it. He is resolute in facing the truth and not being ashamed of his addiction. He speaks openly about his life with Andrea, and his estranged relationship with Kelsi, his step-daughter. His desire to repair their relationship and the hope it carries are obvious. The impact the church’s austere beliefs had on him is clear; many leaders twist the Bible's teachings to fit their views, and it needs to be talked about more. Their victims live in a restrained environment, unable to break free as Aaron did. The loss of his best friend and brother due to drug addiction cut deep, and I could feel his despair and frustration at seeing his brother disappear. I understood the anguish and frustration, the struggle and fear Aaron had of losing himself. But Aaron made it through the tunnel, and tries to honor his brother’s memory by living clean. He has grown immensely, and so has his relationship with Andrea, whose love for him and sense of responsibility know no bounds. Her decision to help Aaron took bravery and a lot of patience. Aaron’s truth will help addicts both in the process of recovery and those contemplating getting help. Aaron speaks from the heart and from experience. The Truth I Found in the Silence is a story of truth, hope, and courage.