Mama's Got a Fake I.D.

How to Reveal the Real You Behind all That Mom

Non-Fiction - Self Help
224 Pages
Reviewed on 03/17/2009
Buy on Amazon

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    Book Review

Reviewed by Anne Boling for Readers' Favorite

Caryn Dahlstrand Ribadeneira offers readers a guide to being the spiritual person God intended us to be.  “God created us to bear His image in all of life, not just in one area.”  “Too often, those of us who wish others could see us as more than moms keep quiet about it, out of typical mom guilt and church-induced shame.”

God made you a unique person.  Becoming a mom does not change that.  While motherhood is challenging, time consuming, and fulfilling, it does not change who God created you to be.  Before your children were born, you existed; you were capable of thinking, dreaming, and planning.  That does not stop with motherhood.  Unfortunately, many women feel guilty for wanting more out of life than motherhood.  Sometimes the church itself perpetuates that feeling of shame and guilt for not being satisfied to be “just a mom.”

Rivadeneira writes in an easy-to-understand style.  She adds just the right amount of humor to her text to keep a smile on readers’ faces.  She has included questions at the end of each chapter to keep you thinking.  This would be a great study for a young mother’s group.  She also furnishes the address to a blog, where you can discuss this book with other women.

Julie Clawson

I have some serious issues with the typical messages the church sends to moms. But it's hard to question those messages without being accused of being a bad mom. So that's why I loved this book. Caryn has provided a resource (for moms and dads and well, anyone who has to relate to moms ever...) that helps get past some of those false messages and affirm moms' true identity in God's eyes. And she does it with humor and encouragement throughout.

I found myself reflected on the pages of this book. I know I have tried to pass off my fake id - attempting to fit into a one-size-fits-all motherhood mold. Caryn pointed out though the hypocrisy in encouraging my kids to develop as unique individuals while I gave up my identity at the motherhood door. That's not the sum of who God created me to be, and if I want to truly follow him I need to claim my full identity. Moms shouldn't feel guilty to be themselves, explore their gifts, and follow Christ. Caryn affirms that it's okay to be more than a mom, be upset at the stupid ways our culture treats moms, and admit our frustrations as moms. She affirms that we are not alone in dealing with the loneliness and loss of self that plagues the modern American mother. And that people who think that moms have all the free time in the world are just clueless.

But at the same time, this book provides resources in learning how to be content as a mom. This doesn't involve striving to be someone you are not (including the perfect domestic goddess mother). It doesn't limit mothers or try to strip them of their God-given talents and identity. But it does involve learning to be grateful for what we have right now - being thankful in all circumstances. But this is a contentment that also doesn't allow us to be held back by perceived limitations or our own insecurities. But to simply allow ourselves to be affirmed in who we truly are - and extend that affirmation to others. It's a call to moms to discard our fake ids and to question the expectations placed upon us (often by ourselves). This isn't about being selfish or self-consumed, but about being real. Being ourselves is just far healthier, more spiritually authentic, and provides a better example for our kids anyway.

So go buy the book - give it to all your friends, pass it out to your playgroup, give it to the church library - it's a book that needs to be read.

(and btw - the book cover actually isn't hot pink, it's a nice shade of red. Just thought I'd mention that for all of you who are like me and hate women's books that are pink...)

CBD

Caryn echoes many of the thoughts and issues I've struggled with since becoming a mom six years ago. I've only read the introduction, but I can safely say this is a must-read. Buy it for yourself. Buy it for others. It's time for all of us--women, men, pastors, etc.--to talk about how we have viewed motherhood and whether or not those views are biblical. Caryn opens up the dialogue in an honest and refreshing way. I'm looking forward to reading more, discussing it with people in my church and community, and seeing how God uses Caryn's voice to impact His kingdom. He is already using her voice, along with the voices of many other brave, intelligent women who write about and address these issues, to impact me.

Elisabeth Corcoran

I'm a mom of two middle schoolers and an author of two devotionals for mothers which means a couple things --- a) I'm halfway through my mothering years and b) I've had the chance to read a lot of books on parenting in those years, and I have never, and I mean never, felt a connection to an author of a mothering book like I have with Caryn Rivadeneira. Within the first few pages, I was thinking, Wait, I'm not the only one who thinks there's more to life than being a mom! Don't get me wrong - I love my kids, but there's so much more to me that I feel God is calling me to pursue, and Caryn gives each one of us moms the permission and encouragement to do so. I highly recommend this book to any mother wondering where she fits.

Karen L. Arneson

Caryn has dared to allow (and encourage) mothers to look beyond discovering and nurturing the identities of their offspring to include themselves in this marvelous quest. She inspires us to discover this "wonderfully and fearfully made" being who is "me." Caryn shows us this is not a selfish journey, but one which will enrich our own lives and those of others. As we receive the blessing of being known in truth, we are enabled to return that blessing to others. In our authentic selves we reflect our Maker - so let the real you shine! A worthwhile read for the encouragement to discover your full potential and how to use your gifts beyond motherhood for the good of the body of Christ.

SBA

This book explores some key issues about who we are as mothers - what is means to have our identities rooted in Christ (first and foremost) and how this aligns with our role as mother. Caryn encourages us to know and use our gifts - within motherhood and wherever else God may want us to, in a balanced way.

Caryn rightly point that we don't lose the varoius facets of our person when we become mothers. One of my favorite lines in Caryn's book is: "God wanted my children to live in a house with a woman who thrives on writing in the midst of chaos, who isn't all that organized, who gets a charge out of new ideas." Yes. Mothering aligns with the other aspects of who we are as women, it doesn't compete with or negate it. It all goes together.

I'm thankful, too, for the chapter in which Caryn points out that some of our gifts need to be curtailed or even tabled during a season of motherhood - that sometimes "God hems us in" for his purposes during this season. That's a content-oriented message that many of us moms, who may struggle with the temptation to play out too many aspects of our identity all at once (to our own detriment and that of our families) need to hear.
A thought-provoking book that will bless many.

Brian Dolleman

As mothers we can feel riddled with guilt over all that we are not doing to be the perfect mom. Caryn Rivadeneira speaks to those issues in this interesting book. She challenges us as women to challenge the stereotypes that hold us back from being all we're meant to be.

As women we may feel in competition with other moms to be the one who "has it all together". Caryn encourages us to let the real us show and to take down those masks that we hide behind. Other moms need us- for our nurture and encouragement. And who knows what we're going through better than another fellow mom.

This is a great book for reading with a friend or group of ladies and then discussing how you can be a support to one another. Some great questions for discussion are included that I think I'm going to use with my own group of friends.

As the book wraps up, Caryn admonishes us to "affirm another mom". I love this point and agree wholeheartedly. MOPS is an organization that really helped to do this for me when my daughter was a little toddler. I appreciated the wisdom and guidance of other moms as well as the "I know what you're going through" laughs and sometimes tears that we shared. Be the real you. That's where God's anointing rests.

Review by Shari Dolleman

Connie Y. Mishali

My oldest sister, Linda, used to go "ballistic" whenever anyone introduced her as "Heather's mother" or "Kent's wife". She would use humor, but inform you, "I have a name. I'm more than someone's wife or mother. I'm Linda!" So, to annoy her, I would deliberately introduce her as "someone's something"!

In Mama's Got a Fake I.D., Caryn Dahlstrand Rivadeneira addresses the loss of identity mother's experience. She also focuses on the role of the church (including other women and mothers) in not only taking women's identities, but making them feel guilty for being frustrated or irritated by their lack of identity except as "mother." This is an excellent book for moms of all labels, "Stay at Home Mom" "Working Mom" "Soccer Mom", etc.

Amy Alderink

This book was a great mix of humor and biblical backup of opinions expressed by the author. I enjoyed reading that many women are experiencing some of the same feelings as I about our roles as mommies. I was uplifted by the practical advice offered by the author on how to discover my own identity - within mommy-hood and in other areas of my life where I do not want my first identity to be that of mommy.

Chad Hall

As a husband and dad, I found this book to be a jewel. Well-written, witty, intelligent and hilarious at times, it kept me reading and learning the fake i.d. world my wife is in (and to which I often unknowingly contribute). The insights are making me a better husband - one that sees my wife as more than a mom and makes room for her real, God-given identity to flourish.

Barbara Brouwer

This book is like a breath of fresh air. Cayrn's style is casual, it feels like a conversation with a friend. But what she writes gives the reader plenty to think about. The discussion questions at the end help the reader process the material and are good for an individual or groups.