Rich Merritt’s Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star (Second Edition) is a memoir that describes the author’s extraordinary life, from the suffocating fundamentalist Christian beliefs that stigmatized gays in the rural South and at Bob Jones University to the discipline of the Marine Corps. He rises in rank, becoming a captain and eventually an aide to a general, while secretly performing in porn movies as “Danny Orlis” to defy the Christian institution that wants to keep him invisible and to pay for law school. The Advocate and The New York Times Magazine expose his identity, and his life implodes, spiraling into destructive relationships, drugs, porn, a suicide attempt, and a public attack in The Advocate. Will he be able to become sober and reconcile with the loss of his best friend, Gary?

The pacing in this memoir is fast, starting from the “Three Rs” of Southern childhood (Relatives, Religion, and Race—Dixie’s unholy trinity) to Parris Island and the pre-internet gay porn industry. Rich Merritt’s candid, confessional voice makes the narration utterly engaging and entertaining. Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star reconstructs important scenes from the author’s life with clarity while refusing to excuse his behavior and actions, including his garage suicide attempt and a shameful encounter in the Philippines. The author introduces people that readers will love to meet, including Philip, who initiates him into the closeted military life, and General McCorkle, who acts as his human shield. But Gary Fullerton is the tragic image in Merritt’s adventures. This memoir skillfully exposes the struggles of being gay, especially in the age before the internet.

Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star by Rich Merritt is a riveting, painfully honest memoir that opens with one of the most unusual setups in recent military writing: a Marine captain who appeared in eight gay porn films before becoming the anonymous cover subject of a major New York Times Magazine piece about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." The book traces Merritt's life from his deeply religious Southern upbringing, through boot camp and a tour in Okinawa, to his rise through the ranks as a commanding officer and general's aide, all while carrying secrets that could have sent him to Fort Leavenworth. The tension between his decorated military career, his hidden gay life in San Diego's bars and back rooms, and the looming threat of Article 125 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice creates a gripping narrative. This second edition also corrects a wrong Merritt has carried for twenty years: the erasure of Jay, an HIV-positive Marine the New York Times refused to feature on their cover, whose exclusion Merritt stayed silent about for reasons he now names.

Rich Merritt writes with a rueful, self-aware candor that grows sharper in this revised edition, where time has given him the distance to be kinder to the people he hurt and harder on himself. The pace is relentless, and the action spans multiple decades without ever losing its grip. I found the scene at his battalion commander's farewell party genuinely thrilling, when General McCorkle's booming greeting across a crowded room silenced every whispered rumor in a single handshake. The themes of institutional hypocrisy, the cost of living in hiding, and what we owe the people we choose to protect ourselves from by abandoning them give Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star a moral weight. This is a remarkable, necessary memoir that earns every complicated feeling it leaves behind.

Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star by Rich Merritt is an absolutely riveting updated memoir of the life of a gay man inside the United States Army during the infamous DADT (Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell) period of the last part of the twentieth century. Captain Rich Merritt had an unusual home life, education, and military career that will surprise and astound many readers. Born and raised on a South Carolina farm and indoctrinated with two main tenets: the idea of a vengeful, wrathful God, and the inherent racism that was a hallmark of the South. He attended Bob Jones University, a private, fiercely fundamental educational institution, from elementary through high school and college, until he was eventually expelled for conduct unbecoming of a member of that institution. Being gay in an institution and an environment that pilloried all forms of love that didn’t conform to the biblical heterosexual norm was a shattering experience for the author. He sought and found the camaraderie and acceptance of life as a U.S. Marine but, of course, his sexual orientation would still have to be hidden. When he was outed by a story in the press, he had to find a way to rebuild his life and seek his own happiness and freedom in who he was.

Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star is a powerfully emotional narrative that will touch readers to the core. What I most appreciated was Rich Merritt’s willingness to speak with candor and honesty about his own personal failings and weaknesses and not lay blame on his experiences as a gay man in a fundamentalist upbringing and a secretive life in the Marine Corps. The friendships he developed, especially with his straight roommate Gary, and Bob Jones III, the son of the University’s President, are a reminder that our sexuality does not define us and we have the right to live our lives as we see fit, not as predetermined by someone else’s fundamentalism, politics, or religion. The memoir is an incisive, well-written, and at times, darkly funny look at what most people might consider the extremes of possible life experiences; from a respected officer in the U.S. Marines through to an adult gay porn star, addiction, alcoholism, recovery, and relapse. The author examines his extraordinary life in a critical manner but ultimately with a degree of empathy and understanding for the paths he went down. I will be ruminating over this story for some time to come, and that is the highest compliment I can pay an author. I thoroughly enjoyed this read and highly recommend it.

What happens when a man raised to be the perfect Christian soldier dares to live his truth in a world built to deny it? Rich Merritt details the answer in his memoir, Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star, 2nd Edition. Merritt grew up in a strict fundamentalist Christian household that condemns homosexuality, shaping him into the “perfect” obedient son and student. As he moves into adulthood, he starts to feel torn between the religious beliefs he grew up with and who he really is inside. Hoping to find direction, he attends Bob Jones University. However, those personal feelings only deepen. After college, he joins the United States Marine Corps and works hard to prove himself. Within his command, he becomes a respected leader. Still, something feels off. The Department of Defense (DoD) policy known as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” does not help the situation. He begins to feel repressed and angry that he cannot serve and still live as he was born. So, Merritt begins to seek side jobs in the adult porn industry. He pulls this double life off until The New York Times Magazine publishes an anonymous profile. And just as the DoD relentlessly pursued others during this era, they found Merritt as well. The discovery leads to a downward spiral of events that devastates Merritt’s life. Can he recover?

Rich Merritt’s Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star has much more heart and substance than its title might suggest. At first, the title may come across as shocking, but the memoir is really about identity, faith, and making it through a painful chapter of life rather than tales of sexual exploits. His story resonated deeply with me as I served during the same era and saw our nation lose competent warriors based on their identity alone. Merritt writes openly without turning the story into a spectacle. His style is clear, honest, and controlled, and his background as a writer comes through in the way he shapes the story. The second edition adds more context, including people who mattered to him and details about his outing that were omitted before. The story about the soldier with HIV left me with moist eyes. More than anything, this version feels focused on growth, healing, and coming to terms with the past. Readers should not pick up this memoir just for shock value. They should come to it for its honesty and for the very human story. It’s an engaging read and should be considered as an addition to your reading list.