Staying Married is the Hardest Part

A Memoir of Passion, Secrets & Sacrifice

Non-Fiction - Memoir
304 Pages
Reviewed on 03/13/2025
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    Book Review

Reviewed by Zahid Sheikh for Readers' Favorite

Staying Married Is the Hardest Part is an honest and intimate story about love, marriage, and self-discovery. Bonnie Comfort explores the elements that gradually strengthen a marriage as she recounts the highs and lows of a long-term partnership. The author explores the painful aspects of a relationship by describing the moments of intense connection, miscommunications, and painful realizations that come with being committed to someone else. Intertwined with her personal development and changing life circumstances in the background, Comfort's memoir becomes a candid picture of how love evolves, challenges are faced, and partners work out their desires and limitations. This lyrical and honest narrative, full of psychological observations, allows the reader to observe their marriage and the delicate balance between self-preservation and love.

Bonnie Comfort writes with skill, full of deeply felt insights and imaginative details that clothe her experiences in reality. The pace of the memoir allows the reader to fully enter the realm of tender moments, conflict, and revelation. Her ability to capture the emotional nuances of marriage makes the book deeply relatable, while her honest and unfiltered voice adds authenticity to every page. The conflict between honesty and love, strength and vulnerability makes this memoir wonderfully stimulating and completely human. As I was reading, I thought back to my sister's marital difficulties and how she handled them with poise and fortitude. Staying Married Is The Hardest Part is a fascinating book for anyone who has ever navigated the perilous landscape of love and commitment.

K.C. Finn

Staying Married is the Hardest Part by Bonnie Comfort is a brutally honest memoir about love, compromise, and the messiness of marriage. Bonnie is a psychologist and marriage therapist, advising others while dealing with her own struggles at home. Her husband, Bob, is a charming and talented Hollywood screenwriter, but their sex life isn’t on the same page, which creates tension and distance between them. When Bob suggests she have affairs to meet her needs, she does—but things get even more complicated when she tells him the truth. Over the years, their marriage weathers betrayals, passion, loneliness, and everything in between, right up until Bob’s death. Comfort doesn’t try to make marriage sound easy or simple. Instead, she lays it all out—the good, the bad, and the painful compromises that come with a long-term partnership. Because of her background as a therapist, she brings a unique level of insight to her own experiences, making this memoir both deeply personal and incredibly thoughtful.

Bonnie Comfort writes with a raw, unfiltered honesty that makes her story impossible to put down. She doesn’t shy away from the hardest parts of her marriage and she definitely doesn’t sugarcoat anything. Her writing is beautiful and full of emotion, making even the toughest moments compelling to read. What stuck with me was how she managed to look at her relationship from both a personal and professional perspective. She reflects on issues like mismatched desires, infidelity, and emotional distance in a way that is relatable rather than judgmental. Her story made me think about relationships in a new way—especially how we navigate compromise and communication over time. She captures the reality that marriage isn’t just about love; it’s about constantly adjusting, making choices, and sometimes facing hard truths. Overall, Staying Married is the Hardest Part makes you reflect on your own relationships. I highly recommend it to anyone who appreciates a deeply honest look at what it means to share a life with someone.

Asher Syed

In Staying Married is the Hardest Part, Bonnie Comfort reflects on her long and complicated marriage to Bob, a TV comedy writer, beginning in 1977. Their relationship, while rooted in deep emotional connection, was marked by struggles in intimacy, differing values, and significant life challenges. Bonnie pursued a career as a psychologist and later a writer, while Bob juggled depression, his own career, and health problems. Their marriage was tested by disagreements over their living situation, financial hurdles, and sexual dissatisfaction. These were compounded by Bob's own proclivities and a suggestion that Bonnie find sexual fulfillment outside their marriage. As they grow together in some ways and apart in others, age, further health issues, properties, loss, and furry offspring all contribute to a life that looks perfect from the outside but has a lot hidden behind the scenes.

Staying Married is the Hardest Part is one of the most honest and authentic memoirs I've read in quite some time, and Bonnie Comfort does a spectacular job of balancing both her love for Bob and the times when that love did not translate into actually liking him. Memoirs are tricky, especially when describing a relationship where the primary partner is no longer with us physically, but their legacy remains. For me, this is when Comfort's memoir really took shape. She has to ask herself, “Who am I, without this man?” She's Bonnie Comfort, and you're going to be touched by her story. The writing is intelligent, witty, straightforward, and conversational. She is self-aware enough to know that the degree of a reader's empathy might ebb when she checks into the Plaza, but then we meet her pup, who also gets ill, and the footing is equal again. Overall, this is a great read for women who are trying to reconcile their lives alongside that of another, and those looking for something more substantive than an everyday memoir. Very highly recommended.

Jon Michael Miller

Staying Married Is the Hardest Part by Bonnie Comfort is a wonderfully written memoir featuring her marriage joys and sorrows with screenwriter Bob Comfort, both having grown up in 1940s Canada, but in different parts. She writes of their families, belief systems, the world of TV and filmmaking in Los Angeles, their closest friends, and their move to Oregon. Most profoundly, she explores the complexities of lifelong relationships, especially but most deeply the intricacies, sometimes disturbing, of sexual incompatibility. As a practicing psychologist and marriage therapist, Dr. Comfort applies her extensive education, research, practice, and personal experience to the fascinating story of her life thus far. She writes of her Jewish family, and of Bob’s cultish Protestant upbringing, each of which created some serious problematic mismatches as the couple grew together. As the title indicates, challenges arose on both sides which would have broken many marriages. Comfort addresses their personal issues, first of sexuality but also location, she being an LA devotee and he a small-town country guy.

I could not put this book down. From the first sentence, I was hooked. I’m not a fast reader, but Bonnie Comfort’s sparkling, humorous, intelligent, sometimes tearful, and deeply informative presence kept me turning the pages. I smiled, teared up, pondered, and learned. Even when dealing with heart-rending issues, her writing radiates lightness, a sense of artful command, and—always lurking—a sense of fun. She notes wryly that she was, after all, married to a comedian, and the details she presents demonstrate the joy Bob gave to her daily life. The narrative flows not like a psychology text but like a fine novel. Comfort is, in fact, a successful novelist. With lots of smiles throughout, but some sadness also, I read the final page knowing, as one does after a deeply felt experience, that I was somehow better for the time spent. Her memoir is, in the end, a serious book about a complex subject. But it transcends intellectual matters because it stirs one’s heart. With Bonnie Comfort’s irrepressible love of life, her exuberant sense of humor, and her undying love for Bob, Staying Married Is the Hardest Part is a must-read.

Mansoor Ahmed

A very emotional and intimate tale of sacrifice, commitment, and love is told in Staying Married Is the Hardest Part: A Memoir of Passion, Secrets & Sacrifice. As she considers her decades-long marriage to Bob, Bonnie Comfort talks about their intense passion, the difficulties that tested their love, and the sacrifices that shaped their union. Comfort explores the realities of remaining loyal to someone over time, from the first thrill that drew them together to the doubt, resentment, and desire that followed. This memoir opens with love and sheds light on the unseen tensions, cultural and personal expectations, and sacrifices endured for the sake of being together. With a remarkable acuity for emotional insight, Comfort provides readers with an unfiltered perspective of what it truly means to build a life with another person—a poignant and compassionate representation of marriage.

Bonnie Comfort's writing is raw, poetic, and highly evocative, pulling readers into her world in a mixture of tenderness and brutal honesty. The pace of the memoir flows freely, allowing one to reflect as it moves along with sharp narration. The couple sketches, which focus primarily on her and Bob, are extremely rich, revealing their flaws, strengths, and silent marriage moments. The book features elements of love, loss, identity, and self-acceptance, making it both deeply personal and universally applicable. Comfort has managed to show the reminiscences of marriage with both highs and lows, making Staying Married Is the Hardest a must-read for all individuals who want to explore the intricacies of a relationship.