Unlearning What Worked

Stories About Success, Stagnation, and Change

Non-Fiction - Memoir
81 Pages
Reviewed on 02/08/2026
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Author Biography

I’m a veteran, technology leader, and writer who has spent much of my life learning how to adapt when familiar tools stopped working. My experiences span military service, disaster response, technology and leadership roles, marriage and divorce, and fatherhood. Across those seasons, I noticed a recurring pattern: the habits and strategies that once helped me survive or succeed often became limiting when circumstances changed.

I wrote Unlearning What Worked because I didn’t see many books that spoke honestly about that transition. Too often, growth stories focus on pushing harder or refining the same approach. This book is about recognizing when effort alone isn’t the answer, and when growth requires letting go instead of doubling down.

Rather than offering a formula or step-by-step guidance, the book is a collection of personal stories. Each chapter stands on its own and reflects a moment when I had to pause, reassess, and choose a different path. Some of those choices were difficult, uncomfortable, or costly, but they shaped who I am today.

My hope is that readers see parts of themselves in these stories and feel less alone when questioning old habits. Change doesn’t always mean failure. Sometimes it simply means you’ve outgrown what once worked.

    Book Review

Reviewed by Stephanie Lynn for Readers' Favorite

Our lives tend to reflect the result of the challenges we've faced and the choices we make. In this thought-provoking read, author Matthew West-James recalls lessons he learned over the years and shares some of the wisdom and insight he gained from these moments. A collection of conversations and situations that changed him, forcing him to rethink his choices and preconceived notions, and led him to take a good, long look at what worked and what no longer fit into the life he was building. These seemingly ordinary events became the building blocks that eventually brought him to where he is today. This isn’t a self-help or how-to book, but rather a real and honest example of how the path to success often looks different from season to season. Our lives don’t follow an exact formula, instead they often follow as the result of a series of choices made over time. Some are small and seemingly inconsequential, while others are larger and might appear monumental at the time, yet in hindsight might have very little influence on our lives down the road. Unlearning What Worked encourages readers to look at their own lives and to consider what still works and where we can make improvements on our own journey through life.

Unlearning What Worked by Matthew West-James is a powerful read. This simple and bluntly honest account shares some helpful lessons that are often overlooked and yet are essential. His relatable and down-to-earth style makes this an enjoyable and enlightening read. It encourages readers to rethink what we might have perceived as failures, and to start seeing them more as life lessons that serve as stepping stones to the next point. Failure and mistakes are inevitable, but how we handle them and our response matter much more than the fact that we mess up from time to time. These pivotal moments define us. This book offers a fresh look at how the very struggles that make us human also make us who we are as individuals. There is potential and worth in each of us. We need only believe we have something of value to offer and have the humility and grace to accept that failure isn’t a defining flaw, but is instead a powerful tool that helps build character. Our response to these critical events is what hones the skills needed to move forward and make a difference. This book takes a candid look at what it means to be human, delivering a message of hope and purpose along the way.

Stewart Brian

Unlearning What Worked by Matthew West-James is a well-written book that inspires readers to reconsider the strategies and tools that they previously used, which worked well for them, and decide if these are still useful. Matthew describes a series of events that occurred at crucial moments of his life and the lessons he learned from them. He begins by writing about his experience in volunteering with Team Rubicon, a disaster response organization. He also shares stories from his childhood, his career before and after the military, and more. Some of his survival strategies include staying invisible, pushing harder when things aren't working, being the nice guy, avoiding risk, and more. However, as Matthew goes through life and assumes more responsibilities, he must let go of these strategies, learn hard lessons, and adopt new ones.

I learned positive, personal, life-changing lessons from this book. I commend the author for his exceptional storytelling skills and the courage to write about his traumas and areas of weakness. I found the stories relatable because, before reading this book, I held onto the strategy of playing it safe by avoiding risk and change. This book gave me a reason to reflect and make crucial decisions. The writing is well-paced, concise, and easy to understand. It features themes of personal growth, leadership, adaptability, growth mindset, and more. I found this book inspiring and transformative. I recommend Unlearning What Worked by Matthew West-James to anyone stuck in the moment where they failed despite every effort. Those seeking personal development and clarity will also appreciate this book.

Richard Prause

Unlearning What Worked is a collection of short stories where Matthew West-James talks about success, failure, and the challenges of making genuine changes. He draws on his experiences as a soldier, working in IT, volunteering in disaster response, and being a parent. He shows how the habits that once helped him succeed can sometimes end up getting in the way later. Each chapter centers on a real situation—career stalls, leadership mistakes, technical failures, or personal struggles—and follows his effort to question old patterns instead of pushing harder. The book returns often to the idea that survival strategies are not the same as growth strategies. West-James also explores leadership, ethical choices, decision-making, and the cost of change, particularly how personal growth affects others. Each story will make you stop and think about the habits you still need and the ones that no longer work for you.

Unlearning What Worked by Matthew West-James is a heartfelt memoir that draws on his life experiences and compelling personal anecdotes. I appreciate how the author relies on concrete stories instead of abstract advice, which keeps each story practical and believable. His writing style is direct and often self-critical, even when he describes his mistakes and stalled growth. I find his focus on unlearning more convincing than the usual "push toward constant improvement" stance that other memoirs tend to lean toward. This memoir does not rush to create perfect conclusions, and that authenticity works in its favor. I also appreciate his reminder that failure is part of the learning process, not something to be ashamed of. The book closes with an openness that will linger with you even after the final page.

Jamie Michele

Unlearning What Worked by Matthew West-James is a collection of autobiographical essays in which the author documents moments when persistence gives way to reassessment, and habits are reconsidered in the light of lived consequence. Crossing My Rubicon traces a movement from credential-driven career planning toward disaster response work, where physical service after a tornado gradually reshapes how contribution and identity are understood. Ethical Escalations centers on an extended attempt to secure employment stability inside a rigid hierarchy, showing how patience with procedure gives way to direct advocacy and produces lasting changes in professional standing and access. Getting Help for the Wrong Reason recounts entering therapy during the collapse of a marriage after military deployment, beginning with a narrowly practical motive and evolving into an ongoing practice that alters daily functioning and long-term self-maintenance.

Unlearning What Worked by Matthew West-James is a wonderfully unique presentation of a memoir, and I love essays format, which the author does extremely well. We see so much of how decisions form an identity across service and civilian life, and it is clear that this author talks about his lived action with a raw and rare honesty. It is impossible to pick a favorite, but there were two standouts for me. Ask Forgiveness, Not Permission centers on a workplace incident where initiative collides with viewpoint in a leadership space, and I connected with the message that aim alone cannot define an outcome once the context intervenes. Nice Guy Finishes Last is a heartening revisit of a deployment moment when the author refuses a quietly sanctioned promotion path, accepting the cost of that refusal. Readers will definitely feel that direct moral accounting, as I have, tracing how self-judgment is shaped by choice, even when institutions reward differently. Overall, this is a beautiful slice-of-life compilation. Very highly recommended.

Carol Thompson

Unlearning What Worked by Matthew West-James is a reflective collection of personal stories about success, stagnation, and the difficult process of change. Strategies that once helped us survive or succeed do not always remain the right tools as our lives and contexts change. Rather than presenting a step-by-step guide, the author offers chapters that stand on their own, each drawn from his experiences as a soldier, disaster response volunteer, IT professional, husband, and father. Across these narratives, he explores moments when ambition collided with institutional realities, when invisibility felt safer than leadership, and when personal integrity came at a cost. Throughout, the author returns to the idea of unlearning, letting go of habits that once protected us, even when they quietly begin to limit growth.

Matthew West-James writes in a conversational voice, as if inviting the reader into a series of candid conversations rather than lectures. The pacing is steady, with each chapter functioning as a self-contained essay that can be read in any order. His style balances humility with insight, often acknowledging uncomfortable truths about motivation, fear, and the unintended consequences of certain choices. Readers who enjoy memoirs centered on personal growth will appreciate the author’s willingness to examine both pride and regret without turning the book into a manual. Unlearning What Worked will appeal to readers interested in leadership, career development, and the emotional task of adapting to new stages of life. It is especially suited for those questioning old habits and seeking stories that illuminate how change often begins with pausing long enough to decide what still fits.