Huck Smith’s The Leaving Gene answers one question: Did he build his life by choosing it, or by leaving before he could be left? “The Getaway Car” recalls a seventeen-year-old stealing a Playgirl and absorbing shame that belonged to the man at the stall, not the boy. “One Sock” tells the story of a pre-workout supplement that strands him on a Texas farm road. There he sacrifices a gym sock while a stranger watches from the pasture. “Two and a Half Inches” is about a television mounted alone, hanging permanently too low, and being the quiet tax of a one-person life. “The Pussy Patch” turns a closeted actor's first film day into cringe comedy that ends in a trailer breakdown. “Ten Now” mourns an ex’s son he has no right to claim. The title is about a mother who left loudly, a biological father who blocked him silently, and a son fluent in both registers.

The Leaving Gene is written in a confessional voice that is, in turn, self-interrupting and funny. You get the impression you're listening to someone who shares stories intimately connected to the narrator. Huck Smith has a gift for humor, and while he offers thought-provoking themes, he infuses the writing with moments that make the reader chuckle, like the Peloton, the graveyard residents, and the cinnamon blown through the doorway. The relentless self-examination and streams of consciousness are highlights of the writing. Readers will quickly notice how the writing circles the same realization. Yet there are soul-stirring insights and lessons to pick out of this engaging book. I learned that staying is a practice we build, not a personality, and that when we fail to name our grief, it grows.

Relationships are not always easy, particularly if there is a background of family conflict and personal gender issues. Huck Smith examines his life and its lessons in The Leaving Gene: Essays on Staying, Going, and the Cost of Both. The book comprises a series of accounts that cover his unhappy childhood and his inability to sustain long-term relationships. It describes a pattern of leaving prematurely, with the accompanying disappointment and disillusionment, or staying when hope was lost. There were meetings on social media that went wrong, more dysfunction, and the pain of breaking up, feeling excluded, jealousy, stressed finances, a lack of forgiveness, alienation from his family, and a growing history of instability. He felt vulnerable and insecure, turning to embracing crystals, runes, and tarot cards, and working out at the gym. There was grief and loss, difficult decisions that went wrong, promotions that affected the dynamics at work, Facebook dating, and healing that remained incomplete. Unconventional friendships included corresponding with a prison inmate for 10 years. On the face of it, he enjoyed success, but at times something was missing. His life mirrors the choices we make and the consequences that flow from those decisions.

Huck Smith reflects on being over 50 while still searching for his identity. He had lived a life that was not inherently bad, but was settled, safe, and predictable by choice. The downside was that it lacked spontaneity. He lived alone, tried dating apps, avoided the dentist, and lost touch with friends. He harbored regrets, such as the missed communication that led to misunderstandings. He shares his experiences of being gay and estranged from family with readers. He imagines death and dying. The Leaving Gene covers friendships, roommates, and failed romances. At times, he lived in a world of fantasy, however unhealthy. The author talks candidly about sex, alcohol, and drug use, and the inner conflict it can cause. He writes while remaining immersed in his uncertainty and disquiet, simply reviewing his life without offering solutions. This is an intimate and poignant exploration of mixed emotions, written with humor and self-analysis, while weighing the cost and seeking to change the pattern.