Erlbaum's book strikes a chord for anyone who has dealt with a loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder. And for anyone co-dependent with a BPD sufferer. I have could have been Janice in this story, believing everything my BPD loved one told me about her unfortunate life, "protecting" (enabling) her, letting her manipulate me with her neediness and my desire to "save" her from the ugliness of her life. I know Erlbaum's book rings true because I lived it for 40 years before I finally figured out I was being played by a skillful liar and manipulater. Even though I knew where the story was going, I still hoped it would end differently, with a positive resolution in which everyone lives happily ever after. Guess I'm still pretty suseptible to the BPD way of life, huh?

If you have a loved one with BPD or you find yourself being someone's savior, read this book and know you are not alone. There are lots of us out there. We should start a club or something.

I read Janice Erlbaum's book as a strategy for personal growth as I try to move away from codependency and enabling behavior. The book was at times painful to read. As Janice rode an emotional rollar coaster in response to Sam's crises, I saw myself, reacting to the needs of those I try "to help." I felt like a fly on the wall watching Janice chase after, coddle and sympathize with Sam. I almost felt embarrassed as Janice's possessiveness surfaced when she told Bill that Sam loved Maria more than she loved her. I have experienced that jealousy before. Although Erlbaum's book is written with brutal honesty, I was surprised she didn't acknowledge more of her own problems as she must have realized they existed through her relationship with Sam. Also, I was surprised that Bill supported Janice as she invested so much time and energy in Sam. Janice felt such anger for Sam, feeling that she had been duped. I was disappointed that Janice felt so resentful about Sam's mental illness, when she knew all along that she had problems. It seems that Janice had a hard time switching roles from "hero" to "sucker." Those who study the enneagram will see an average to unheathy "2" personality in Janice. This book helped me confront some of my own issues and grow.

While I found this memoir (written in a very novel-like manner) hard to put down for it's captivating story and because I am a woman in her early 40's who is the mother of a late-teen girl (both of us close in age to the two main characters who could easily have spun themselves into these lives in some way), it wasn't all perfection.

But I will not step out here and say that a memoir could be written so much differently and perfection could be given or expected.

I was looking for more from the ending. That is really all I would ask. Of course, I wanted Janice to do things a little differently along the way, but who could rewrite an author's memoirs?

Thank you, Ms. Erlbaum for this honest rendering of a difficult and I'm certain, very painful tale.

Having made her way in the world, Janice Erlbaum decides to give something back to the homeless shelter at which she was a resident herself in her youth. While teaching beading classes to the young women, she befriends Sam, a resident who is both brilliant and disturbed. Janice quickly finds herself emotionally invested further and further in Sam's rehabilitation and deteriorating health.

'Have You Found Her' takes the reader on an engaging rollercoaster ride. Ms. Erlbaum's husband Bill is either painted in an especially positive light or is an incredibly accommodating individual. I'm not sure I would have been as tolerant in the same situation! I regretted not finding out what the real story/mystery was involving Sam's father, as that may have provided some answers or some kind of closure.

What an amazing, amazing book. I had to keep reminding myself that it was about real people!

In this, her second memoir, Janice tells the story of volunteering at the shelter she lived in briefly as a teenage and of meeting Sam. Although the relationship she forms with Sam may ultimately have been good for her, showing her that she had internal strength she would never have guessed out. It makes for a very powerful story.

I think the most interesting part of this book was Janice's honesty about her negative feelings toward Sam. To be able to say that you're angry at a person in Sam's position takes a lot of strength. The same to admit that you have doubts about the truth of what someone you care about says to you.

And this is a memoir that is easy to read. One might always be skeptical of the claim that a memoir reads like a novel, but in this case, I found that it did. I was drawn in from the very beginning, and ended the book hoping that Ms. Erlbaum will write another memoir in the future.

such a good book! liked it a lot better than girlbomb, although i thoroughly enjoyed both. this book was totally crazy, a complete adventure =) get ready for a fun ride...

I absolutely adored this book. I could barely put it down. The author does a tremendous job of telling her story, and it's a very interesting story at that. This book will remain on my top ten list, and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a great read. Sam is a completely believable character, and it's difficult to wait until the end to find out her resolution. Janice, great job!

there is a first book to this whitch you dont have to read but it made alot more sense to me after reading it. i work as a youth coulsulor so this book was real life to me

"Have You Found Her" is the heart wrenching account of a remarkable woman's experience mentoring a troubled young girl. Erlbaum takes a no-nonsense approach to discussing the sensitive subject of addiction and handles it brilliantly, telling it exactly like it is. After 20 years away from the shelter that changed her life, Janice Erlbaum decides that she is ready to go back and help make a difference in the lives of others. It is here that she meets Sam, the intelligent, bright eyed young girl with a heartbreaking life story. Janice and Sam quickly form a bond like that of a mother and daughter as they face some of life's biggest challenges together. This book is impossible to put down, captivating the reader with every twist and turn that Janice and Sam's relationship takes.
When I wasn't reading, I found myself gushing to others about this wonderful book. HYFH is an outstanding story that touched me more than any book I have read in a very long time.

This latest memoir, Have You Found Her, is amazing. The book itself reflects the relationship between Sam and Janice - hard to walk away from, but excruciatingly painful sometimes - wanting it to come on and end, but at the same time, not wanting it to ever stop. And the unflinching honesty is so refreshing - from the details of drug use to the feelings toward Sam. This is definitely a memoir worth reading!