Don't Expect Me To Cry

Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life

Non-Fiction - Memoir
210 Pages
Reviewed on 10/03/2018
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Author Biography

Janet Bentley grew up in a house filled with horrific sexual, physical, emotional and religious abuse. She lived daily with alcoholism, drug addiction, and gang violence. She was given to her father's drug dealers to be raped, while he watched, as payment for the heroin he "bought".

The oldest of eight children, she survived while other family members and siblings went on a path to prison, dysfunction and suicide.

Her book, "Don't Expect Me To Cry" is about a journey filled with tremendous pain. Yet it is also a story filled with the resilience of a little girl wanting to survive and an adult determined to live a happy life while recovering from the effects of the abuse.

Janet writes in hopes that the survival of the horror that was her childhood will give hope to others who are recovering from or are still in sexually abusive situations and the knowledge that healing is possible and we are not alone. Ever.

Janet loves living in the beauty of the Arizona desert and spending time with her husband, children and grandchildren.

    Book Review

Reviewed by Tom Gauthier for Readers' Favorite

Don't Expect Me To Cry is a powerful autobiography by Janet Bentley, relating the horrors of mental, physical, and sexual abuse she endured from infancy. In an amazing piece of writing, Janet tells her story, reflecting her thoughts and experiences at critical stages of her life from age four until today. Janet describes the struggles to deal with the pain and fear she experiences as she begins to share her deeply held secret. With the constant thought of ending it all, she fights to hold on. The highs are high, the lows are beyond belief as she learns that it is possible to heal from the depths of the darkest shame and trauma and achieve a life of peace and contentment. Janet Bentley has shared an inspiring life story, cathartic to some, shocking to all, eliciting emotions at once raw and real.

Janet Bentley is an amazing writer. If Don't Expect Me To Cry was a novel it would receive high praise for its drama, raw descriptions of violent assault, and glimpses of hope from skilled therapists which end up dashed time and again. Dramatic arcs in masterful presentation. But it is not a novel. It is Janet’s own autobiography written honestly and directly, with a unique ability to show the evil done to her without becoming maudlin, alongside her learning of the science behind her lifelong struggles. Janet writes with fragility and strength as the victim, and as a unique form of therapist that only one who has experienced the trauma can provide. Her detailed highlights of the professional therapists who began her healing, and the contra events of dependency and transference that her fragility led her to, are true clinical insights and of value to all who read it.

While Janet’s work is obviously a view of catharsis, it is also therapeutic to readers who have shared her experience on any level. Beyond that, it educates us all about the horrific reality of sexual abuse. It will engender anger over the abject failure of society, family, teachers, neighbors, and friends to act on behalf of a toddler, a human being in the deepest distress. Janet Bentley deserves the highest praise for her writing, and for her amazing tenacity to hang on to life and see it through to the goodness and caring that actually exist in the world. I highly recommend this book.

Gisela Dixon

Don't Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life by Janet Bentley is an autobiography of Janet’s life. In Don't Expect Me To Cry, Janet details her life in a straightforward, chronological fashion starting from her childhood right up to the present day. In this book, she talks about her dysfunctional family, her parents, the drunkenness and drug use rampant in her family, her siblings, her relationships, marriage and children, and most of all the childhood sexual abuse she experienced at the hands of her father and others, and her slow road to healing and recovery from it. This is Janet’s life story told in her own words. The book also contains links and resources at the end that may help people in a similar situation.

I really liked Don't Expect Me To Cry and the sincere and genuine way in which it is written. The entire book is raw and real, and although I am sure it was difficult to write about for Janet, she is aware that it is precisely for that reason that it is important to share her story along with all of the details of sexual abuse, and the emotional damage that results from it. Her writing style, which is engaging and fast-paced yet detailed, takes the reader through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I also appreciated that although coming from a history of inter-generational trauma and abuse in her family, she appears to have raised well adjusted children and stopped that cycle from propagating. This is a must-read autobiography.

Viga Boland

Believing myself to be a reasonably healed survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I didn’t expect to find myself becoming teary-eyed as I read Don’t Expect Me to Cry by Janet Bentley. But her story moved me and touched me more deeply than the many other books I have read by those who have bravely told or even written their own books, myself included. Why? Was what Janet Bentley lived through and survived any worse than what the rest of us suffered? It’s impossible to answer that as ultimately, regardless of when, where, how and by whom the sexual abuse was committed, the true suffering is what takes place not just at the time, but in the decades that follow. But what did bring me to tears was not so much the sexual abuse itself, but the agony and despair Janet endured on her path to recovery as she recognized how her insecurities were impacting her current day to day functioning and inability to move on.

What Bentley has captured so well in Don’t Expect Me to Cry is just how deeply the memories of the abuse are buried. The author’s own ordeal began at the tender age of 4. With the eventual help of therapists, she was able to go deep enough to find and face those memories. But along the way, not only she, but her two husbands and children suffered with her prescription med addictions, her suicide attempts, and her inability to trust or get close to even those she loved. This is the true story of an adult who is desperate to move past the pain, desperate to make peace with her terribly abused inner child. Ultimately, she succeeds. But the bottom line, as we abuse victims know, is that we never, ever fully “just get over it”… as so many who have never been abused tell us to do.

While Don’t Expect Me to Cry is encouraging, it’s also a reminder that healing and coping with those horrible memories is a life-long battle of small victories in a war never fully won. Why do I say that? Because Janet Bentley, just like me and millions of others who have been sexually abused by a father, spend our lives wondering “why”… not just “why me?” but “Why didn’t Daddy love me?” or “Did Daddy ever love me at all?” That is the one question which we cannot answer. Bravo, Janet Bentley, for coming out from under child sexual abuse. Your book will help others do the same.

Edith Wairimu

Don't Expect Me To Cry, Janet Bentley’s memoir on child sexual abuse, sheds light on the horrors and the impact of this heinous crime while also imparting hope in victims. As a young girl, Bentley adored her father. She looked up to him for support, love and affirmation. At the age of four, the very person who was supposed to protect her turned against her. His actions started a cycle of abuse in Bentley’s life that broke her to the core and made her question her own worth and dignity. Driven by the need to feel loved and included, Bentley fell into the grip of religious abuse where the molestation continued. As an adult, the effect of the emotional, physical and sexual abuse Bentley suffered, compounded with grief from the loss of loved ones, consistently followed her but she refused to let it win.

Don't Expect Me To Cry by Janet Bentley lays bare the horrendous experiences of child sexual abuse, the aftermath and the painful path to recovery. The emotions contained are raw and the scenes openly told, which helped me get a glance and a chance to try to imagine what Bentley endured. I admire her courage and ability to recount her experiences for the purpose of helping others who have suffered similar horrific events in their lives. The heart-breaking ordeals Bentley faced, and her continuing journey of healing detailed in her memoir, Don't Expect Me To Cry, will certainly serve as a tool of encouragement to victims of child sexual abuse, if only to let them know they are not alone.

Erin Nicole Cochran

Janet Bentley’s book, Don’t Expect Me To Cry, is a brave and true account of a life that was filled with sexual abuse at the hands of her own father and others. It is a window into the worst kinds of horror that human beings can inflict upon those around them. But it is also a story of hope and of the will to stand up and be exactly what she is, a survivor. And a strong survivor. Her narration of her life feels so close to you that it’s like you’re there bearing witness to all her highest of ups and the lowest of her lows. You really feel the people in these pages, and there’s good reason for it because they are all very real and once lived, or are still alive. The pacing in the book and the way that the chapters were set up chronologically flowed perfectly. There weren’t many physical descriptions of people and I thought I would miss that, but I didn’t because it just wasn’t important. Everything in this book is meaningful and has its purpose and place.

Don’t Expect Me To Cry by author Janet Bentley was a book that I had to read. Many people out there may not know the effects that incest can have on even future generations, but I personally know what it has done to people who are blood to me. This is the most heart-wrenchingly honest book I’ve ever had the privilege to read. There was a line that I feel we can all point to in our lives and say this is exactly how it felt, on page 124: “I’m just now beginning to sort it all and figure out what I have to do to move on.” Our ups and downs may be polar opposites in the lives that we lead, but it is important to be cognizant of the fact that we’re all a little broken from our past and we’re all doing the best that we can with what we have. This book will open your eyes to a world that perhaps you may not be familiar with at all, but it’s imperative that we try to understand the worlds that do their best to break us, so that we can be a hand to those if and when needed. You need this book; not only will it help you heal your own wounds, but it will help you in healing the wounds of others.

Karen Walpole

Don’t Expect Me to Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life by Janet Bentley is the author’s memoir about enduring and surviving a childhood filled with neglect, dysfunction, and emotional, physical and sexual abuse. The book describes her childhood but is more about the many years, a lifetime in fact, of overcoming the after-effects of those very difficult early years. Each year of her adult life brought new challenges as she slowly and painfully remembered each abuse, shared it with a therapist and tried to deal with how the experience had molded her. Finding good therapists and a husband and family who would support her helped her to struggle through each stage of retraining her brain. With the help of support groups, she had to learn to change how she saw herself and how she reacted to others.

While the abuse Janet Bentley suffered was very difficult to read about, beginning to understand what abused children endure and how it changes them was life changing. I recommend Don’t Expect Me to Cry to anyone who has had or knows someone who has endured a difficult childhood, whether because of neglect or abuse. Recognizing that childhood experiences mold each of our personalities for good or for bad gave me great insight into struggles in my own life. The courage shown by Janet Bentley is inspiring. Each time she thought she had made it to a happier, saner place, new challenges emerged, depression set in and a new cycle of hurting , learning, and growing began again.

Louanne Piccolo

Janet Bentley's story of childhood sexual abuse, Don't Expect Me to Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life, is a brave effort at bringing the stigma of abuse out into the open in an attempt to disarm its power forever. The book is divided into three parts documenting the multiple abuses Janet experienced as a child, her lifelong battle against post trauma demons, and how hitting rock bottom left her with no place to go but back up again. Like a beacon of light for lost sailors, Janet's story offers survivors of abuse hope for recovery and shows that it is possible to heal and live a happy and stable life surrounded by the people who love you.

While I was reading Janet Bentley's book, I found myself repeatedly thinking of how courageous and strong she must be to reach out to other survivors of childhood sexual abuse through making her own life story public knowledge. The feelings of shame and disgust that victims experience can be debilitating and all-encompassing, and often lock victims into a pact of secrecy with their abusers. The ongoing impact of undiagnosed suffering causes irrevocable damage, but Don't Expect Me to Cry gives victims the permission to stand up and speak out without fear. I was inspired by Janet's incredible will to live and her stamina to keep going no matter what life threw at her. Her ability to rise up in the face of adversity is the mark of a true hero. If you know of someone who has been through the life-altering effects of sexual abuse, definitely recommend this book as a guide to what comes after. This book moved me.

Tracy Young

Child abuse is a difficult subject and Janet Bentley has dealt with the after effects of severe abuse for the whole of her life. She has documented her story and dedicated it to her inner child. All Janet wanted was a father who loved her, supported her and was there when she needed him. Don’t Expect Me to Cry is a frank and personal account of her childhood traumas and the way they affected her into adulthood and beyond. Her family life was far from normal, but she emerges with a desire to survive and a passion to share her story. Too often victims of this type of abuse are filled with shame and unable to find help because of the stigma attached to this type of trauma, yet Janet has shown the strength to share her story with this book.

This is a deeply moving book that shares the author's feelings with the reader. The story of Janet Bentley is documented in an intensely personal form in Don’t Expect Me to Cry and contains a message for everyone who reads it. If you had an idyllic childhood and assume that all children had the same, this book will open your eyes to how childhood abuse stays with the victim. If you were also subjected to any form of abuse in your life you will recognize the struggles Janet has faced. Her marriage and her children were affected; in her daily life she faced obstacles many of us will find hard to imagine. She shares the darkness that haunted her and the different forms of help that she turned to for some form of relief. This book will touch you deeply and I found the letters that Janet wrote to herself and her father heart-wrenching and emotional. The book also shares details of different associations to help sufferers seek the help they need, and the invitation to contact Janet will hopefully appeal to people who need her help.

K.C. Finn

Don’t Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse steal my life is a work of true to life memoir and emotional considerations penned by author Janet Bentley. Written for adults due to the necessarily graphic nature of some of its content, this powerful and emotive work serves to deliver the life story of its author, who suffered severe sexual abuse at the hands of several different people in her childhood, including her own father. Through three key areas of development in her life which include the abuse stage, therapy and a deeply emotional moment of near-suicide, the overall message is one of strength and healing in the face of such terrible adversity.

In the age of the current movements to uncover abuse and overturn the stigma that so many victims face, author Janet Bentley’s narrative is one of several powerful new voices that should be upheld for all to hear. While I think that this is a superb survivor’s story which would benefit other victims and help them to empower and heal themselves, this is also a memoir which should be read by everyone, regardless of their background, in order to raise awareness of the sinister practices of abuse that so often go unnoticed in today’s world. The writing is descriptive, stark and shocking, but also raw and honest in a way that takes you seamlessly from despair into hope as it continues. Overall, I would highly recommend Don’t Expect Me To Cry as a superb work of emotive memoir with an important message for the world today.

Romuald Dzemo

Don’t Expect Me to Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life by Janet Bentley is a poignantly written memoir that explores one woman’s journey from the harrowing pain of sexual abuse to healing and self-worth. Abused by her father and other predators in childhood, Janet grew up building defensive walls and keeping a secret that almost destroyed her life. She shares her terrible childhood experiences, and moves on to her therapy, the trying moments, the fear and the uncertainty. The narrative shows her healing path and the incredible courage she had to face the child she once was — broken and terribly hurt. The journey from being a victim to self-acceptance to finding true love is an inspiring one.

The narrative is strong as, with skill, the author unveils the world of the abused child, allowing readers to hear a whimpering, scared voice. Many people who suffer sexual abuse keep quiet and some never get the chance to tell their story. In Don’t Expect Me to Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life, the author tells a story that is repeatedly recreated in some corner of the world. Janet’s memoir gives a powerful voice to the voiceless. Written in a style that is conversational and told in an irresistible voice, the author's story allows readers to see her wounds and to listen to her cries of pain. But it is a journey of hope, a story that reminds anyone who has been abused that they are not cheap and worthless, and that they can reclaim their inner freedom. I loved the beauty of the prose, the insights into the world of childhood, and the compelling narrative voice.

Grant Leishman

Anyone who has not experienced child sexual abuse could not possibly understand the immense pain and self-loathing that such a person experiences in later life. This is perfectly illustrated to us in Janet Bentley’s heartrending and powerful memoir, Don’t Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal My Life. Bentley takes us expertly through the trauma that first occurred when she was just four years old. The one man who was supposed to be her protector and guide in life became instead an evil monster when he forced her into sexual acts of which she had no understanding and would scar her for the rest of her life. Janet faced multiple abusers, apart from her own father, over the years but always, despite the pain, the depression, the addictions to alcohol and prescription medicine, the teenage abortions and not to mention a physically bereft marriage, she somehow managed to rise above it all and take control of her life – a control she had so cruelly been denied as a child. Although her childhood sexual abuse was an integral part of everything she suffered through later in life, she was equally determined that it would not be the defining feature of her existence. She always sought the professional help she needed and even when that wasn’t to her advantage, she never gave up.

Few books have touched me, as a father and a grandfather, as Don’t Expect Me To Cry did. As a man, it is sometimes easy to gloss over the horrific effects of child abuse on the young person. “It was ages ago – just let it go and move on,” is often our response to such things. What the author shows us, so powerfully and so heart-breakingly is that it is just not that simple. What happens to a child at that tender age, when they are so ruthlessly exploited and used by adults whom they implicitly trust and believe in, is that they develop incredibly forceful defense mechanisms in their brains that set the tone for their lives. As Bentley so beautifully explained, it takes years of therapy and understanding just to bring these memories back to the surface and to address them. What particularly struck me about the author’s story was her willingness and acceptance that what happened to her as a child had shaped everything she was today and could never be totally dismissed or dealt with – it would always be there but her bravery in facing this trauma head-on, and her overwhelming determination not to let it define every moment of her adult life, shone through the narrative. I was deeply moved by this story and can only encourage everyone to read it and to realize that not only is this type of abuse more prevalent than we would care to admit, but it is also not something that can just be swept under the rug and ignored. Dirty, filthy, disgusting behavior can only be eradicated when the light of love and forgiveness is shone upon it and it is shown to be the depraved act that it really is. A superb book by an incredibly brave woman – I salute you, Janet Bentley.

Joel R. Dennstedt

What makes the truth so powerful, so compelling, so convincing … is its utter simplicity. One does not need to embellish the truth. It stands alone. Janet Bentley’s lacerating memoir, Don’t Expect Me To Cry, is powerful, compelling, and devastatingly convincing, told with the simplicity of a child’s broken scream. She could never embellish the facts behind her near destruction, even if she tried. They are too raw to bear exaggeration. And she takes you back into her personal hell of a childhood, daring you not to cry. If you do, she’ll leave you there. Such a past is not meant for weakness. She does not revisit such horrific scenes for drama. Or for sympathy. And it’s much too late to even hope for some compassion. What Janet Bentley does so very simply is make you bear witness to her truth. She may hope for good effects, but she’s really there just to shine the light.

Don’t Expect Me To Cry will shake your soul. But Janet Bentley needs you strong. She needs to show you how strength survives. It survives by bearing truth. And truth, once experienced, cannot be changed. It can only be owned. And maybe, hopefully, understood. Then, if you are strong, strong as a child, you may survive to find yourself transformed. At least you may find a life worth living. This is the message gifted by Ms. Bentley to anyone tortured by childhood abuse. The worst kind. Violent and sexual. And when you read to whom this simply devastating, exquisitely written book is dedicated … well, then be prepared to cry.

Lorraine Cobcroft

Powerful. Horrifying. Moving. Inspiring. Janet Bentley's memoir Don't Expect Me to Cry is a brutally honest account of healing from horrific childhood sex abuse. Don't read Janet Bentley's story for entertainment. Don't expect to find word magic. There are no poetic passages that make music when reading aloud. Don't Expect Me to Cry is a raw, no-holds-barred account of growing up in a seriously dysfunctional family, and struggling with the long-term effects of never learning to love oneself.

Childhood sex abuse is a hot topic at present. The true facts about the extent of it and the scope of harm it has caused to so many have only relatively recently come to light. Many have been shocked to learn where, and by whom, criminal acts have been committed. Most of us are shocked, I think, to learn how common this crime is. We - the observers - have lost our faith and our ability to trust. The victims lost that and a great deal more a long time ago: the ability to respect and value themselves. Janet Bentley details how that loss impacts every aspect of their lives: their ability to build healthy relationships, to parent effectively, to work, to make important life choices. She exposes the shame and the enormous challenge of recognizing the need to let the inner child out - remembering events the mind blocked and exposing the wounds.

Janet Bentley holds nothing back in describing both the horrific and systemic abuse she suffered, and the long and arduous journey toward healing. Don't Expect Me to Cry is difficult to read. It must have been a million times more difficult to write. But for anyone seeking a clearer understanding of the impact of child sex abuse and/or the path to healing, it is essential reading. For victims and their loved ones, it offers hope. It offers much-needed wisdom. It offers confidence that recovery is possible. And it offers some valuable information that may aid understanding and help victims learn coping techniques. It shines a needed light where darkness has prevailed for far too long.

Deborah Lloyd

The memoir, Don’t Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal My Life, written by Janet Bentley, is a poignant and heartrending book. This courageous woman was sexually abused by her father and other men, beginning at the age of four years old. She lived in a home filled with all forms of abuse, alcoholism, and drug use. Her struggle to realize her worthiness and heal the pain, shame, and guilt of her horrific childhood is realistically imparted. It has been a tumultuous journey, with many challenges; at times, she too used alcohol and prescribed medications to numb the pain. But, with many years of therapy, a loving husband and support network, and a growing understanding of how the abuse affected her in multiple ways, she found love and joy in her life.

There are a few features in this book distinguishing it from other similar ones. Her attention to detail – although sometimes difficult to read – lends authenticity to the heinous acts. The necessary, but oft-overlooked, discernment process she used in finding new psychiatrists and other treatment providers will guide other traumatized victims. Her sharing of the truly difficult ups and downs of the healing process is an honest and true representation. Additionally, she writes in a smooth, flowing style. Author and survivor Janet Bentley shares her unforgettable story in the memoir, Don’t Expect Me To Cry. It is a must-read for all abuse victims, their loved ones, and anyone who wants to better understand the life-long effects of abuse. A truly compelling story – many people will certainly be helped by this book.

Tiffany Ferrell

Don’t Expect Me To Cry is the heartwrenching account of the sexual abuse Janet Bentley suffered as a child. In the first part, we visit her early childhood and first memories starting at the age of four when her father moved from emotional, physical and verbal abuse to sexual abuse. Growing up in a household with eight siblings, Janet was the oldest. From having a severely mentally ill and alcoholic father, we find that her mother was equally sick with her own psychological issues and alcoholism. Written through the eyes of a small child, we see how sexual abuse breaks her young mind and soul. Not understanding what was happening to her, the author grew up with an emptiness and longing to be loved and accepted. Her life doesn’t get better as one male figure after another abuses her trust in them and breaks off pieces of her heart. Marrying young and having two children, she tries to be happy but the past continues to haunt her. In parts two and three, we are introduced to an adult Janet who had just lost her mother and is entering therapy to help with the trauma she experienced. This death, along with her marriage crumbling from lack of intimacy she was unable to give, forced her to get the help she needed. Slowly Bentley pieces her life back together and regains her body, mind, and soul.

First off, I need to commend Janet Bentley for having the courage to write such a raw and emotional account of her abuse. While there are so many who are living in this darkness, I believe her book will help others who have gone through what she did. They will feel comforted knowing they are not alone and that they will find the help they need. For those of us who haven’t personally had it happen to them, Don’t Expect Me To Cry has the ability to transport the reader into the nightmare Bentley had to endure and helps one better understand how to aid others. To put yourself in her shoes is a real eye-opener. I also loved how realistic this book is. It’s an everyday struggle that the author deals with and, despite therapy, support, and medication, it’s still something one must confront.

Sarah Stuart

Janet Bentley has written Don’t Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Abuse steal my life in three parts. The first is the title section, the second, Don’t Expect Me To Lie, and the third, Don’t Expect Me To Die. It is not an easy book to read, even for one who has never suffered any kind of abuse or has anyone close who has, but it is an honest, brave book. It reveals a world that is unbelievably horrendous; unbelievable because it is hidden behind closed doors, sometimes by threats, but mostly by shame. Few have Janet Bentley’s courage to tell their story, but thousands of people will be helped if they read it; they will know they are not alone and that abusers can be prevented from spoiling whole lives.

Well-written and, sadly, as relevant in the twenty-first century as it has always been, Don’t Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Abuse steal my life is amazing. More than a memoir, this is Janet Bentley reaching out to other victims, a guiding light in the darkness. To anyone who has never suffered abuse it is a privilege, albeit a painful one, to see into a world none of us knew, or perhaps wanted to know, exists. Is there a child you think is unfriendly and accident-prone? Before you turn aside, think of this – “I woke up the next morning wishing I could die.” Janet had been raped in her father’s presence: payment for a drug debt. Thank you, Janet, for inviting me into your life.

Jamie Michele

Don't Expect Me To Cry by Janet Bentley is the non-fiction memoir of a childhood sexual abuse victim. From the book's onset, Bentley describes a horrifying home life as the oldest child, forced to raise her own younger siblings due to the neglect of her mother and father, who were both alcoholics. This coincided with her father beginning a pattern of sexual abuse when Bentley was only four years young, one which continued as he molested her nightly, allowed her to be raped before the age of ten to settle a debt while he watched, and wherein other men and young boys degraded and defiled her physically, sexually, verbally, emotionally, and even religiously until she found the courage to take back ownership and control of her body and her life.

Don't Expect Me To Cry is, hands down, the most heartbreaking memoir I have read. While Janet Bentley is able to make a valiant promise to never shed tears, I am unable to make any such commitment reading her book. The emotions that overcame me and the amount of time required to unpack everything I was feeling was just incredibly intense. Naturally, the darkness of the past rears its ugly head with regard to her creating a family of her own, her relationship with men on a sexual and emotional level, and a desire to have children when in the past she'd been desperate to do the opposite. Bentley does deliver a silver lining as she picks up the crumbled pieces of a childhood that was destroyed and successfully cobbles together a brighter future. But all that happened in the run-up to this doesn't discharge the actions of others that make this an inspirational tale. It's bittersweet for me as a reader, and akin to the scaling of Everest by its author, who didn't just live another day, she actually created an entirely new day herself. Very highly recommended.

Lesley Jones

At the end of 2014, Janet's world hit the depths of despair as the horrific memories of abuse she tried so hard to ignore came crashing to the surface. Follow Janet's horrifying story from childhood abuse, her traumatic road to recovery, and the successful future she achieved. Janet, the eldest of eight children, was raised in a dysfunctional and violent home. With both parents alcoholics, she was witness and victim to her father's mental and physical abuse. This became her grim reality that she was powerless to escape from. Her innocence would soon be taken from her when, at the age of just four years of age, her father began to sexually abuse her. Later Janet would be abused by others and also sold to a local drug dealer by her father. As Janet entered adulthood, she could finally leave home, but she could not escape the memories. Follow her long and painful journey in Don't Expect Me To Cry through therapy, personal trauma, and serious illness, and how she found the courage to face the truth she had tried so hard to forget.

Don't Expect Me To Cry by Janet Bentley is an uncomfortable memoir to read and one that will be hard to forget. Janet has told her painful story with such eloquence and dignity. The content is brutal and raw with heartbreaking scenes throughout. What I found most unique about this book was the detailed account of her journey through therapy. I feel this is going to help so many survivors of abuse, as she covers so many stages of the recovery process. Her experiences will definitely encourage abuse survivors not to give up if one form of therapy doesn't suit them. Her continuous abuse and betrayal of trust were horrifying but this memoir is about survival and helping others to heal and recover. I have learned so much about the healing process. I found the section on Transference and Love Addiction absolutely fascinating. This memoir also highlighted so many issues that abuse survivors have to face and overcome and how one innocent event can trigger such powerful emotional memories. I believe this book would make an excellent addition to any school library. Janet has shown that recovery is not just possible but absolutely vital. Her life story is now one of victor not victim and I applaud her wholeheartedly.

Mamta Madhavan

Don’t Expect Me to Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal My Life by Janet Bentley is the heartrending and poignant memoir by the author who has undergone a journey of healing after being sexually abused in childhood. Her story shows how she bravely survived the events of her life which was engulfed in darkness after the abuse. Child abuse is ugly and the author’s determination to survive that horror and tremendous pain is a sure sign of encouragement to all survivors to be resilient and survive their critical phases of trauma, stigma, and shame. This memoir is the author’s story of recovery, courage, and strength and throws light on how childhood trauma can affect people mentally and emotionally.

Don’t Expect Me to Cry is raw and honest and her story is an inspiration to the countless victims, therapists, parents, loved ones, and perpetrators. Her family background reveals how she lived in a house of horrors with a father who abused codeine, speed, valium, and many others, and was a real-life monster who destroyed the safety and security of their home. The brokenness, the loss of hope, and the sadness and loneliness that engulfed her are palpable to readers through her words. What is appealing, apart from her honesty, is her willpower and determination to fight all odds and reclaim her power. The message conveyed through this book is strong, profound, and uplifting, and will also leave readers with a tinge of sadness and positive emotions while dealing with life.

Jon Michael Miller

In the preface to Don’t Expect Me to Cry, author Janet Bentley states that she wrote this autobiography/memoir for victims of child sexual abuse. In her own case, she describes the traumatic results of her rape and sodomy at age four by her own father. Her father also shared her with his drug-taking pals when she was only nine. It doesn’t take much to imagine the difficulty this ravaged little girl had not only growing up but her entire life. She has written this book at age 50+, looking back after years of intense therapy, counseling, and rehab. Although her case is extreme, anyone who has endured sexual abuse as a child knows the pain, terror, confusion, and even guilt that Ms. Bentley is writing about. She explains that her goal is simply to reach one single person who has suffered such traumatic assault, which so often remains locked inside, comes out in aberrant behavior, and makes social acceptance a constant struggle. Victims so tragically blame themselves and feel unaccepted.

I couldn’t help tears flowing as I read her exquisitely written story. What a struggle she has had to undertake to find a path to happiness and some semblance of normality! At first, there was fundamentalist religion where she experienced more assault, and then just dating as her “morality clashed with hormones.” I am so impressed by her courage and her dedication to recovery, a lifetime of up and downs, one therapist and another, a befuddled husband, and oh, so tragically, "to be or not to be" … Well, I implore you to read this on your own. It’s mind-blowingly stunning. What is worse than the sexual victimization of children? Janet Bentley doesn’t mince words. It’s all here, the bad and the ugly, but also the transcendent, also the miraculous. For her struggle to save that nearly mortally wounded inner child is truly a miracle. And through a lifetime of conflict, she has come out of the other side of hell and has dedicated herself to the true self-healing power of helping others. She says if this book reaches and helps only one solitary person, it has been worth all her hard work. Well, Ms. Bentley, I will tell you—as a victim myself, you have reached ME. Thank you for your survival and for your honest, gritty, and self-confirming book! It offers hope for all of us.

Foluso Falaye

It can be quite difficult to love and trust yourself and others again when the ones you trust set out to harm you. In Don't Expect Me To Cry, Janet Bentley tells her story about how she grew up in a home plagued by sexual and physical assault, alcohol and drug abuse, and continual turbulence. She had assumed that leaving home would set her free from the abuse she suffered as a child, but Janet still suffered mentally from her terrible childhood experiences through her marriages and motherhood, which drove her to therapy, experiencing more pain in the process of recovering, drug abuse, several suicide attempts, and other dysfunctional behavior. This is the story about how Janet kept fighting to be free from her figurative prison until she finally saw the light.

Don’t Expect Me To Cry is an exceptionally powerful and poignant story about pain, strife, and strength. As I read through the book, I felt both anger and sympathy and found it hard to accept that such evil exists in the world. In addition to the author retelling her story after her traumatic experiences, she includes letters and journals, which made me feel more present in the times they were written. I also found the book to be educative and insightful as I learned several new concepts and terms: transference, religious abuse, and various things about trauma and mental health. I was greatly touched and encouraged by Janet Bentley's story and would recommend it to victims of abuse looking to recover and live their lives to the fullest.

Grace Masso

Don't Expect Me to Cry: Refusing to Let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal My Life by Janet Bentley is a brutally honest memoir that explores a sensitive “taboo” subject: sexual abuse of children. In this memoir, Janet shares her story with readers and discusses the impact that sexual abuse has had on her life. As a child, she not only witnessed the emotional and physical abuse her father subjected her mother to but became a victim herself, being made to do horrible things by the man she admired and looked up to as a child. Janet’s parents were both drunks and her mother was constantly in and out of the hospital, which left the four-year-old girl with no other choice but to take care of her younger siblings. The book takes readers through the multiple waves of abuse the author went through, her despair, and how she hit rock-bottom, tired of living yet scared of dying. But it is also a story of hope, of a light shining from the depths of the author’s despair, a light that brought a new experience of healing and meaning into her life.

This book is boldly written, and I admired Janet Bentley’s courage in sharing things that millions of abused women would prefer not to share with anyone. Written in three parts, each section of the book makes a powerful statement — in the first part, the author shares her childhood experience of sexual abuse and how it affected her worldview and how she sees herself; the second part describes her early efforts at healing, including therapy; the third part is her journey of healing, a testimony of her strength and the message that we are not defined by what happened to us but by what and who we choose to be. Don't Expect Me to Cry is an emotional rollercoaster, a book that deftly describes the cycle of abuse. I recommend this book to anyone who has been deeply hurt. It is a wonderful book about embracing and transcending our pain and one that will give courage to victims who have suffered in silence to embark on the path of healing.

Marta Tandori

Don’t Expect Me to Cry is a heart-wrenchingly poignant and powerfully honest memoir by Janet Bentley that recounts one woman’s horrifying childhood and difficult journey through adulthood, forever scarred by years of childhood sexual abuse. The memoir is divided into three parts; the first, Don’t Expect Me to Cry, chronicles in nauseating detail, the author’s many bouts of sexual abuse which began at the hands of her father at the tender age of four. Hers was a volatile childhood in a home filled with anger, drugs, and drunken parents that were abusive physically and mentally. With seven other siblings, the author quickly became the caregiver to her younger siblings as well as their protector when their parents were consumed by one of their drunken brawls which more often than not ended in physical violence. The cycle of abuse and violence continues throughout her teenage years and turns into dysfunction as she begins a relationship with the man who later becomes her first husband.

In Part Two, Don’t Expect Me to Lie, the author finally finds the courage to seek therapy after the death of her mother. By this time, she’s the mother of two children and has been married for eleven years, of which the past seven have been without sex. Although therapy helps when she finds a kind therapist, therapy also has its challenges that bring about uncertainty and a host of other issues that the author must work her way through, including stays in a mental hospital. Part Three, Don’t Expect Me to Die, begins with the author’s divorce from her first husband and the beginning of her relationship with Simon, the man who will become her second husband. This relationship also has its issues, thanks to financial challenges, the author’s cancer diagnosis as well as drug overdoses and ongoing mental issues that continue to plague the author as she struggles with the trauma wrought by her horrific childhood.

Don’t Expect Me to Cry is, quite frankly, not for the faint of heart or stomach. Bentley’s prose is straightforward and from the heart which makes the horrors of which she speaks all the more difficult to read. She is, without a doubt, a survivor in the truest sense of the word. And what she lacks in literary finesse, she certainly makes up for in integrity. Like a phoenix, she has risen from the ashes of her devastating childhood and is living her adult life in the most meaningful way she knows how while struggling daily to keep her demons at bay. Bentley’s words impart hope and encouragement, making us believe that if a child, once given as a sexual favor to a man by her own father in payment of a drug debt, can survive such a horror then there’s certainly hope for the rest of us.

As disturbing and horrific as Bentley’s tale is, her story also raises questions and elicits anger. As Bentley recounts her years as an abused child doing her best to care for a gaggle of younger children while her parents’ drunken brawls became the fodder for their neighbors’ entertainment, one has to wonder why not a single neighbor or church member ever called the police or child services to check on the welfare of Bentley and her siblings. Although she indicates that they grew up poor in rougher areas, one would think that at least one neighbor would take pity on those children and call the authorities. And if ever two people were not meant to have children, it was most certainly Bentley’s parents.

What is perhaps the most surprising of all her revelations, is the total devastation felt by the author upon the death of her mother. Although her mother had also suffered constant beatings at the hands of her husband, her mother was just as complicit as Bentley’s father in meting out the daily mental abuse and failing to provide the basic necessities that any decent parent would provide for her child. While the author admits that she never did speak to her mother about her father’s sexual abuse, she does indicate that her relationship with her mother strengthened as an adult. However, Bentley doesn’t say whether she had ever confronted her mother about the train wreck that was her childhood or whether her mother had ever taken ownership of her daughter’s traumatic childhood. Don’t Expect Me to Cry by Janet Bentley is a memoir written from the heart that is as much a message of hope as it is a cleansing of the soul for those of us brave enough to read it.

Pikasho Deka

Don't Expect Me To Cry is a deeply moving memoir in which author Janet Bentley recounts her traumatic childhood filled with sexual, physical, and emotional abuse and its impact on her entire life. Growing up in a household with two neglectful parents, each of them suffering from alcoholism and drug abuse, four-year-old Janet is left to fend on her own and take care of her younger siblings. But her life turns into a living hell when her own father subjects her to horrific sexual abuse that continues till her teenage years. Feeling unloved and alone, Janet turns to the Fundamentalist Church for a sense of belonging, only to be subjected to further abuse. After moving out of her home at the age of seventeen, Janet meets her future husband Jack but continues to struggle with chronic depression until a point where she's forced to confront her past.

Raw, brutally honest, and heartbreaking, Don't Expect Me To Cry is a powerful memoir that anyone interested in issues of trauma and abuse should read. Janet Bentley puts her heart and soul into telling the story of her life in a bold and unflinching manner that makes you feel for the little girl Janet and inspired by what she grew up to be. Janet Bentley deftly showcases the harrowing effects of abuse on the psyche of a child and explores the impact of deep mental and physical trauma on the victim later in life. I felt a strong sense of catharsis at the end of Don't Expect Me To Cry. I highly recommend it.

Vincent Dublado

Empathy, understanding, and respect are rightfully given to Janet Bentley. We see a survivor from a grave paternal offense as well as a host of other abusers, and she emerges stronger. Don't Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life is her expression of coping and a shoebox that stores a memento of her past. She divides her life’s episodes into three parts, beginning with the book title where she opens her shocking ordeal from the point of view of her four-year-old self that shatters her sense of safety at home. The second part, Don’t Expect Me To Lie, recounts her experience with therapy, where admitting the need for help breaks her silence. The last part, Don’t Expect Me To Die, tells how she came to several suicide attempts, yet miraculously managed to turn her life around.

Janet Bentley has suffered a fate that is shocking and is too much to handle for any child. What is even more painful about her ordeal is the betrayal of trust that comes from the figures that are supposed to protect her from the dangers of the world. Bentley writes with such candor that, as her real-life story unfolds, you are invited to meditate on the dark and bright side of the human heart. How can such human beings violate other human beings? How much strength do we have inside ourselves to be able to withstand such hard blows on our existence? Should we remain hopeless or pick up the pieces? After reading Don’t Expect Me To Cry, you come to realize that what Bentley conveys is her immense courage and how the kind assistance that people around her have extended lead her to a path of healing. Yes, there are many demons in this world, but angels come aplenty as well. In a way, this book is a must-read and an eye-opener for all of us to get involved in preventing child sexual abuse.

Tammy Ruggles

Don't Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life by Janet Bentley is a frank telling of the terror and trauma experienced by the author. Abused by more than one perpetrator, one being her father, she was dealt a childhood of suffering and heartbreak but found the strength to begin a healing journey reaching the lowest of lows and then rising back up. She didn't ask for any of it, but she found a way to recover. This book not only tells her story but can serve to show other victims how to survive and find happiness and healing. Bentley's story is amazing and succinctly told in three parts: her childhood called Don't Expect me To Cry; through early therapy and disclosure called Don't Expect Me To Lie; and her final, rock-bottom, suicidal moments called Don't Expect Me To Die.

This author is gifted in knowing how to get her points across, reaching inside herself to convey insights that not only changed her own life for the better but can change others, just by putting them on the page. Her personal story is graphic and powerful, so trigger warnings apply. Being a former social worker who has worked with victims of sexual abuse and incest, her story of shame, pain, and eventual emergence into the sunlight resonated with me. This book would be therapeutic for readers who may not have come to terms with abuse, or those who know of a victim still in need of healing. I like Bentley's honesty in relating the mental health issues around childhood trauma, and how she describes the ways it affected her through her teenage years and into adulthood. But this isn't a doom and gloom book. It's full of hope and inspiration and learning that you are better than your "abused self" and worthy of love and good things. Don't Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life by Janet Bentley should be high on your reading list if you care about sexual abuse trauma victims.

Joe Wisinski

Don't Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life is the story of author Janet Bentley’s life. While still a child, Bentley was sexually abused by her father and others. She writes her story in three parts, reflecting three stages of her life. The first part explains the abuse she underwent, the second describes how she felt when she began telling others, and the third tells about when she experienced the worst part of her life and how she came out of that and began healing. Bentley wrote her book not just because she found it cathartic, but because she believes it will help others. As Bentley notes, some of her book is sexually graphic and violent.

The horror Janet Bentley has experienced in her life cannot be overstated. But the power of the telling of her life story can’t be overstated, either. This book is about ultimate victory, of overcoming some of the worst abuse I’ve ever read about. My heart broke as I read Don't Expect Me To Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life, not just of the abuse Bentley suffered as a child, but because of how that abuse affected her as an adult. It’s not pleasant to read about the horrors she suffered through no fault of her own. Yet it was necessary for Bentley to write her story exactly as she did. Any toning down of her history would not have been as powerful. This book should be required reading, not just for those who have suffered abuse, but for everyone. Readers will come away with great compassion for Janet Bentley and a fresh realization of how fortunate they are to never have experienced what she did. I highly recommend this powerful book.

Joanne Ang

Don’t Expect Me To Cry is based on the true story of the writer, Janet Bentley. This memoir starts with Janet as a young, innocent child that witnessed bouts of alcohol abuse from both parents, which developed into more serious levels of emotional and physical abuse. It all became worse when the abuse began to happen beyond the home. Janet’s desperation for love and acceptance became overwhelming, and her demons continued to haunt her through her adult years. This is a heart-wrenching story of those born into a broken family and how the monsters followed these children everywhere they went, no matter how much they tried to move on. Just because you don’t see the pain doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Don’t Expect Me To Cry, written by Janet Bentley about her life experience, was absolutely heartbreaking to read from the very beginning. I loved how Janet started this book off with herself as a youngster and the mountains of tasks she had to take on to keep the family afloat. I felt immense empathy when Janet described her bouts of sexual abuse. I could tell how painful it must have been to be in her shoes. I also loved the little notes on the current Janet in between chapters that offered explanations for her thoughts and behavior at the time. Don’t Expect Me To Cry also highlighted the importance of seeking professional help even after years of abuse and the struggles of healing the scars that were left behind. This book is an important read for understanding more about abuse and how it affects a person physically and psychologically.

Cassie Widjaja

Don't Expect Me To Cry by Janet Bentley is both a heartbreaking and inspiring true story about a childhood sexual abuse survivor. With an alcoholic mother and drug addict father, Janet's home is far from perfect, and she is often left responsible for taking care of her younger siblings, even at the tender age of 4 years old. In this book, Janet reveals everything from her molestation at the hands of her father to her recovery at the Meadows, a 45-day residential facility. This book is divided into three parts, which are 'Don't Expect Me to Cry,' 'Don't Expect Me to Lie,' and 'Don't Expect Me to Die.' Janet includes a child's perspective of losing her innocence and discusses the long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse.

Growing up in a world where sexual abuse is becoming more common day by day, I felt that Don't Expect Me To Cry could not have come at a more opportune time. By speaking out about her experience, Janet Bentley breaks the social stigma that victims should hide their past sexual abuse and instead empowers other survivors to stand up and let their voices be heard. Janet's writing is fast-paced, and each sentence further develops her story. I love how she tends to switch from discussing her painful experience to what it has taught her. Janet also did an incredible job of describing the emotions she felt at the time, and it felt as though I was there beside her, experiencing everything. By reading this book, I learned to redefine what's possible for a human to endure before crumbling. For anyone looking to be inspired, this book is definitely for you!

Rabia Tanveer

Don’t Expect Me to Cry: Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal My Life by Janet Bentley is a powerful memoir telling a survivor’s tale. Janet was just a child when she was abused for the first time. Scared and confused, Janet had no idea what was happening to her. She kept things a secret and tried to power through the abuse that built up over the years. Yet the horror never ended, and Janet’s whole childhood was plagued by the abuse and torture of having her body and self-worth violated. However, all it took was some distance and courage to take one step toward her salvation. Therapy was hell and took a toll on her mental health even more, but that was the necessary step Janet needed to take to heal. But the moment she hit rock bottom was the moment she knew she needed to fight to survive. She was a fighter, and Janet realized she was not ready to give up just yet.

In Don’t Expect Me to Cry, the author divided her story into three sections “Don’t expect me to cry,” “Don’t expect me to lie,” and “Don’t expect me to die.” Each of them signified a different time in her life and the state of her life. The chapter names reflected what would happen in it, which prepared the reader for the horrors the author lived through and decided to share with the world. Janet Bentley is a survivor and a fighter. Reading about her abuse was hard. It was painful, and I cried for her. The journey from victim to fighter was so encouraging, but it was tough to read. I commend the author for articulating her journey so well and finding the courage to share it with the world. We need to be more protective of and vigilant over young children who cannot protect themselves from monsters that prey on the vulnerable. I wish Janet the best!

Lucinda E Clarke

Janet Bentley uses the subtitle ‘Refusing to let Childhood Sexual Abuse Steal my Life’ in her book Don’t Expect Me To Cry, which is an apt description for the story of her life. From the age of four, she was sexually abused by her father and, later, by his friends. Her family was dysfunctional, with both her parents addicted to alcohol, and Janet acting as a surrogate mother to her younger siblings. Alone and with no friends, she tries to find consolation in a church group. Despite the number of times her parents moved house, she did well at school, allowing her to leave home at seventeen. But Janet took with her the demons and trauma she had suffered for as long as she could remember. It was going to take hours of counseling, hospital stays, and group therapy to help her reprogram her inner feelings and help her to heal.

Don’t Expect Me To Cry is a heart-rending account of the abused childhood Janet Bentley suffered from a very early age. No one reared in a family with loving parents can begin to understand the trauma and fear this little girl suffered. Yet despite this, Janet survived, but so many times when she made progress, a trigger would send her back. I found myself holding my breath as one disaster followed another. I have nothing but admiration for this author’s courage as she faced and overcame one struggle after another. You need to be brave to share a horrific and very personal story like this with the world, but that’s exactly what Janet Bentley has done. Reading about her life may help many others who’ve suffered as she did, and open the door for those who escaped a nightmare childhood to understand and have compassion for those born into a severely dysfunctional family. Janet’s courage and determination shine through on every page and the lessons she learned and shared are testament to the indomitable spirit that is in all of us. I feel humbled having read her story and wish her well for the future.

Susan van der Walt

Don't Expect Me To Cry is the autobiography of Janet Bentley. She never knew what it was to feel safe since her father started molesting her at age four. All she wanted was for her father to love her and be proud of her. And she can never understand how it is that she continually fails to please him. It starts an ongoing cycle of looking for love and approval, leading to the constant pain of rejection. Janet began attending church to escape her dysfunctional home life temporarily, but even when she grew up and left, the effects of the sexual abuse will affect her for the rest of her adult life.

While reading Don't Expect Me To Cry, I experienced an intense sadness about everything Janet Bently had to endure at the hands of her father. The only way for her to cope as a child was to disassociate during the abuse and repress all these memories as an adult. It is heartbreaking that escaping her childhood home still couldn't help her find happiness, as she was unprepared for the lasting effect the abuse would have on her for the rest of her life. Janet Bentley's story is an inspiration for us all, about the courage it takes to open up and reveal the horrible secrets she carries, and the challenging and grueling work she had to do in therapy to start to heal. Her story gives hope to other victims of sexual abuse, and I find it amazing that she can be grateful for every part of her life, including the sexual abuse and every wrong turn she took. This made her the strong and resilient person she is today.

Natalie Soine

In her story Don’t Expect Me To Cry, Janet Bentley tells of the time when she entered a mental health clinic in late 2014, depressed and fatigued. What followed was a traumatic journey of self-discovery filled with immense pain and the horrors Janet experienced from the age of four. Abused by her father and other men who destroyed her body and soul, Janet found the willpower and strength to survive, becoming an inspiration to others. Janet’s story is divided into three sections: Don’t expect me to cry, Don’t expect me to lie, and Don’t expect me to die. This resilient and courageous woman shares her thoughts and experiences as she struggles to overcome her past and find joy in her life, choosing to take a journey toward a successful recovery.

Janet Bentley has written a heart-wrenching account of her life and has shared the most private, intimate details of her traumatic childhood in her book Don’t Expect Me To Cry. This story of abuse and survival helps the reader to understand the long-term consequences of neglect, abuse, and trauma. While the medical profession does help to alleviate some of the effects, it is up to the individual to make use of the tools and techniques provided in order to recover and live a normal life. Janet’s story is an eye-opener for those of us who have never been exposed to a painful childhood or suffered the mental and emotional illnesses associated therewith. The book is well-written and educational. Some of the memories and language are graphic and violent in nature. Reader discretion is advised.

Wanda Williams

Don’t Expect Me To Cry is a an intense account of one survivors life and journey to healing the scars of chronic childhood sexual trauma. Janet Bentley demonstrates her resilience and determination to create a healthy and safe life for herself and her children. As a survivor I found Don’t Expect Me To Cry inspiring while providing hope and the promise that healing is possible. Thank you Janet for your honesty and courage to help others of sexual childhood trauma move from victims, to survivors to Thriver. Thank you you are too a true inspiration.